You Know You’re Growing When You Know Better 

One of my friends asked me, “since finishing college, how have you grown or changed since we met freshman year”? My answer was short and simple. I know I’ve grown up because I can look at situation an know it’s not a good look for me. 

At 19 and even 20, I was in some situations, relationships, situationships or whatever you want to call them that placed obstacles and unnecessary frustration in my life. Some people or things really just become distractions. They deter you from goals or you let yourself get thrown off your game. Of course like everyone else I look back now approaching 23 like where was my thought process. Better yet, why was there NO throught process. 

I’ve always thought of myself as pretty mature for whatever age I was at the time but that didn’t stop me from being petty or stupid. I would do certain things to get a reaction or because I thought it would effect someone else’s choice regarding me.  I see now that nine times out of ten it really only hurt me. Nothing I ever did in the hopes of making someone else regret loosing me or getting their attention worked to my advantage.  

Growing up means taking a step back and analyzing it for what it is not what you want it to be. It also means having standards and keeping them. 

For example, you might want a new relationship but is the guy that just approached you really worth it. True you can’t judge a book by its cover but actions will always speak louder than words.  Yea you just met this person and no they’re not obligated to you in any way, shape or form but picking a candidate for a relationship is more than a nice compliment before asking you for your number. Did he look you in your eyes? Did he ask questions about what you do or like to do or even talk about what he likes outside of “chilling” and popping his bros ONE bottle at the club? Was he considerent? Did he even ask if you were single? Did you see him hit up every other pretty girl in the venue? 

All I’m saying is assess the situation sis! True story, over the weekend this I can’t even put it into words he was so fine guy came up to me at the club. He said I was gorgeous and asked what I was trying to get into and what’s my number. Now I’m a be honest it was hard as much as I wanted to let him have that number I couldn’t do it. I looked at him and I saw a past situation. I saw a 19 year old Dom and I wasn’t the right fit for me. I need more than chilling at your house while your smoking at 23. I should’ve needed more at 19 but you have to learn and start somewhere. 

Growing is a process and I’ll always be learning but some lessons I can spare cause I can already tell it’s not where I need to be. 


I have a question for my followers. For me personally I’ve always been lucky enough to have exceededingly great men in my life. My father, brother, uncles, adopted uncles, etc. have all given me great examples of how men should be and what they should do. I’m sure some females share this same story. We have these wonderful role models and these people who genuinely care and love us. Yet we still have problems with the men we pick or that pick us. 

In our twenties we test the waters. We see what’s right for us. The habits we hate. Basically we experiment. We learn ourselves and the people we deal with. But I can’t seem to understand why we as females deal with the actions of men our own age that are father and brothers and what now warned us about. 

I get it. Sometimes we’re down for a quickie. But other times we start to catch that feeling bug. And when that happens we sometimes allow the men we deal with to act out scenarios we promised our fathers we’d never be in. 

Anyway, my question is, with all this love we get from our family why do we agree to just sex, friends with benefits anything that doesn’t say realtionship? Just food for thought. Let’s talk about it.